November 14, 2008

I Am NOT Above Blackmail!

The big day is less then two weeks away. Yes, in a little less then 14 days I am going to be able to eat sugar until my heart is content. Or until my stomach gives out, whichever happens first. However, as the big day approaches I have become increasingly concerned that my dear Sis-n-law does not plan, nor desire, to meet my demand for an entire counter full of pies.

What if? I mean seriously, what if there is only one pie? Or even just two. How on the only day that I am allowed to partake of sugar wonder will I be able to deal with only TWO pies? Especially, if I have to "SHARE," those pies.

The thought has kept me up at nights. It has consumed every moment of my free time, until I feel that I MUST do something, to ensure a counter FULL of pies. So here it is I am sorry that I had to do this but sometimes you have to take a matter into your hands. Especially when it comes to eating sugar!

I have decided that the only way to ensure a counter full of pies is to "Blackmail,"(duh duh duhhhh) my sweet, kind, never did anything to me sis-n-law. I am strictly the villain here people but the villain NEEDS her pies.

"What?" you ask could I possibly have on my sweet, kind, never did anything to me sis-n-law.


I have "school" pictures.

One from every year starting in kindergarten all the way through high school.

I have pregnant pictures.

I have pregnant and in a swimsuit pictures, I have.... Well I will just stop there.

Now personally I have looked at all these pictures and they are pretty dang cute. But I'm banking on the fact that I wouldn't want my school pictures posted online. I'm banking on the fact that one of these pictures must have included an awkward stage that is better left in the past. I am banking on the fact that if anyone put a picture of me pregnant and in a swimsuit online I would have to do something very bad to them.

But all of this can be avoided if she just agrees to no less then... lets say.... 10 pies for Thanksgiving. Yes I think 10 pies for 12 people sounds just about perfect. 10 DIFFERENT Pies.

Now, dear sis-n-law if you are thinking, "Go ahead, I think all my school pictures are adorable and I was HOT when I was pregnant." (Which truthfully people, the school pictures are adorable and the pregnant picture could be way worse) I want to remind my other two sis-n-laws that I have pictures of them also.

Stacy you may be a little more off the hook because I don't have many.


So you may want to convince Sharonda that she wants 10 pies at Thanksgiving. You may even want to send her a couple to help out.

You all have 48 hours from now to convince Sharonda or the pictures start going up. :)

I'm sorry I had to do this to you all but sometimes in life you have to have priorities. My number one priority this Thanksgiving is to bag the turkey and eat pie.

PS You can't un-invite us either your stuck with us. (HE HE HE HE)

Okay I'm done now.


Heather Bowles said...

Okay, so call me crazy but why don't you bring some pies yourself. (Sorry I did not mean for that to sound so harsh) If I were you I would make sure I brought the kinds I really wanted. I just love chocolate cream pie so I always order a couple from Marie Callanders every year plus a couple others of Mitch's fav's. I know some people don't like store baughten and think they all need to be home made but frankly I love Marie Callander pies. I guess I don't know if you are going out of town or not, but if you are not just make some or buy some of your own. If you are intown I really don't think your sister inlaw should have to shoulder this alone.

Willow said...

Now, in Sharonda's defence, you can't demand a "counter full of pies" without setting some parameters. Should she be making fruit, cream, or squash pies (pumpkin)? Do you also demand homemade crust, or is store bought sufficient to meet your needs? --If you demand homemade crust, I can no longer support you in good faith. No one should have to make 10 pie crusts.-- Also, does she have tasty and EASY recipies that would make excessive pie fabrication possible? Finally, would she oppose turning her kitchen into a sweat shop for her children?

If she works the munchkins then the job wont be as taxing. Just get her a nice whip, balls and chains, and rolling pins for each kid and she will be done in no time.

On a slightly related note.... what kind of freakish family keeps pictures from pregnancy. That is just cruel!! I can almost see having pictures of yourself, but really... you have kept photos of your sisters-in-law? That falls into the unusual and abnormal.

On a non-related note... why can I note leave a single comment of appropriate length? Have I always been this verbose?

Brock said...

If I were your sister in-law, I'd do a quick remodeling, eliminating all counter space. This would make a counter full of pies a bit more easy. Also, this post sorta has frightening cat lady written all over it... Kidding, but really, though. Frightening! :-)