April 01, 2009

What not to Wear, Swimsuit Addition

Working at a swimming pool a strange thing starts to happen to you. You become less aware of the fact that you are wearing a swim suit. You become less aware that people around you are wearing swimsuits. Really in most instances you don't even notice the swimsuits.


Which is ironic sense most people are so uncomfortable in what a swim suit discloses about their bodies. However, the truth is not that many people have fantastic bodies. It is an exception to the rule for a swim suit model to walk into the pool. Most people who come to the pool are everyday people with everyday bodies.


That being said there are things us pool workers do notice. Things that I feel as your friend I must share. Things that have left young men scarred and us older ladies just plain grossed out. So here it is my first what not to wear swim suit addition.


Rule Number One. Wear a swimsuit that fits. I see more women do harm to their figure wearing a suit that is two, three, four sizes to small then if they just wore a suit that fit. I know it is spandex and if you try long enough you will get into it. It isn't what gets in that is the problem it is what is left out. Trust me there are little bits being squeezed out everywhere. Bits you didn't even know could escape that are escaping.


Rule Number Two. Check the nether regions! When you walk out on deck strutting your bad self in your suit I'm down in the pool. I'm working with little ones teaching them to float on their back. I'm glimpsing up to see who is walking by. I am catching a glimpse of a part of you that I have no desire to see. Your suit is not covering all of you there is all kinds of you hanging out. I do not wish to go further on this subject just please check the nether regions.


Rule Number Three. Saying goodbye. There comes a time in every swim suits life when it is time to throw the sucker away. The stitching is coming out, the material has become see through, and at any moment it will all come undone. Moments like when your bending over to pick up your towel and I now know you have a mole on your left but cheek.

In conclusion, wear a suit that fits, check that all your parts are inside the suit, say good bye when it is time.  That is the end of my first, "What not to Wear, Swimsuit Addition."


12 comments:

Willow said...

I love the what-not-to-wear addition. However, I must confess to reading the title and then scrolling down for pictures. Once I saw that there were no pictures (and after reading your rules, I'm greatful for no pictures of escaping bits or moled cheeks), I then read the text of today's post. The advice is quite sound... I shall endevor to follow all rules herein -- If I ever get over my they're-gonna-stare-at-me swimsuit fears.

Heather Bowles said...

Oh don't forget that people who are wearing to small swim suits that they only strech so far and then they are see through. AWWWWWW Scary!!! Oh yea did I mention I loved spin class.

Scott and Stacy said...

I'm laughing so hard right now!

Race Fam said...

That is great, I too have seen my share of what not to wear swimsuits and they are scary!! You're too funny!

4kidsandcrazy said...

Scary! That means I have to go swimsuit shopping!*#@*$ Is there any worse torture in the world?

Angie said...

I LOVE swimsuit shopping. I think I have 10! Not that anybody ever sees them underneath the tank tops and shorts, but they are cute underneath!

Me, Myself and I said...

I finally got a new swimsuit, so I quit "layering" as much. When I was teaching I was wearing 2 suits that I knew were see-through in different places (one on top, one on bottom) an old Speedo and an old TYR, AND I had a bikini top under the suits for extra coverage and shorts on the bottom. Fashionable, I know.

Emily said...

Good sound advice. I think you should send the idea to Clinton and Stacey.

Brock said...

This is Hilarious. you've made my day!

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