February 02, 2010

Practice What I Preach?

I am staring at the keys of the keyboard trying to figure out how to start this post.

However, this is not a post that I know how to write without it going all wrong.

My self inflected rules for this blog have for me been a challenge. However, I gave myself those rules and I feel for the most part have followed them.

The rules are:

1. Never get mired down in the not so great moments of life. This is not the place for me to moan and groan and complain about my life and all my woes.

2. My life is not always awesome, all the time, don't pretend it is.

My goal has always been to try to be real and try to improve.

Most of my post reflect lessons I have learned because frankly, I was doing it wrong to begin with. My post in no way are suppose to reflect methods that I have perfected or claim to do with perfection.

I use to think that hypocrisy was one of the seven deadly sins. I looked it up and discovered it isn't. The seven deadly sins are envy, lust, anger, sloth, gluttony, greed and pride.

I was a little surprised that hypocrisy was not there. I thought of all the times I have said, "Well if they were really Christian they would not have done that. They are being a hypocrite."

Not that, that little thought didn't trip into the category of several of those deadly sins.

As I have reflected on what you may read on this blog and how I may actually behave in real non-blog life I thought, "I am a walking hypocrite."

Then I realized that isn't entirely true. Everyday I work to be a better person than I was. I try to do the things that I know I should. However, in the trying I make missteps. I do the exact opposite from what I preach on this blog.

It appears that the secret I am human may be out.

Well, since that secret is out I should probably let out a couple more.

#1 I am human.

#2 Born of German, Dutch, and Persian descent I am a stubborn Human. (This technically should be 2-10 just to clarify how stubborn of a human I am)

There are zillion more not so great traits about me I could list. However, that would defy rule number one of this blog.

At the end of the day there is only one person who looks back at me in the mirror and her and I have to agree that I tried to do better. However, recent events have taught me that just because I am trying to be a better person, to be kind, and to be a little less stubborn does not mean that I have to be a door mat.

When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer she sat in a Dr.'s office and the doctor asked her if she had any garbage in her life. What did garbage in her life have to do with cancer? Chemo therapy and radiation do not eliminate garbage. His point in asking was she had a fight in front of her and her effort and energy had to go towards the cancer. Garbage, nonsense, gobbly gook had to be eliminated so that she could recover.

From that time she has done all that she can to eliminate that garbage from her life. Maybe, the key to becoming a better person is along the same lines. Garbage that seeps into our life is like cancer. It takes over all of the good blood cells and before you know it the garbage is destroying the good.

For me this is a harsh lesson to learn. That part of improving means there are going to be times that I have to be tough. That I am going to have to do things that seem mean and essentially hypocritical. Frankly, that part of life just kind of bites. Why can't we just all hold hands and sing, "We are The World?"

Big Sigh. . .

I guess that no matter how you try to ignore garbage, it just continues to pile up, and then it begins to stink, and then the bugs start coming and you HAVE to take it out. Which is what I am going to do so now the garbage has been taken out I promise no more reference to the garbage. Even if it means violating rule number 2 for a little while.

If you happened to make it to the end of this post you earn extra friend brownie points. Thank you to all the people who endure my endless ramblings. The kind of therapy you offer through your comments is just what the doctor ordered.

Prayers and Hugs,


Me, Myself and I said...

I too am a German-Dutch stubborn human.

I constantly have a pile of garbage to take out, and being of very stubborn decent, I hold on to it too tightly and for too long. Yesterday the garbage truck came by and the toddler ran away from the window in fear. I need to start teaching her now that getting rid of the garbage is a good thing. That the garbage man in his big green truck is our friend.

PS - Do I get to cash in my points for some actual brownies?

SAS said...

You a great person. I love that you honestly share things. I had no idea about your mom. I hope things are going well. Long time no see!

Emily said...

I've missed alot along the way but I still love this post.
Way to go!

Angie said...

Hey, your friends always stick around until the end. Sheesh. We love ya Krissi!. :)