Creating balance in my life is never an easy task.
I personally feel like there is always that one thing that weighs so much heavier than everything else. Pulling me so far away from everything else that I am suppose to be doing that I start to loose sight and become totally consumed.
Currently, that is the way I am feeling about school it is pulling on me so hard that I can't find the time to do everything else I have to do, should do, or even want to do. Honestly, it is scaring me a little how time consuming school has become and how I have not been able to find the balance between school and the rest of my life.
Then I remind myself I have been here before. In this place where balance seems impossible to achieve. Somehow when balance is my goal I find it. Only I can't remember exactly how I did it in the past and the weight of everything is getting a little heavy.
The one aspect of my life I am missing right now is writing. I really enjoy keeping up this blog it is the time of day that I get to reflect on what is working and not working in my life. It makes me happy and I love hearing from my friends even if it is only a few words in the comment section.
I guess that is the way you reclaim balance you just make everything work. You throw all those balls in the air and hope that you are able to keep them all there. Which means I need to schedule a juggling lesson. Anyone know a good teacher?
My birthday was on Tuesday and I was not looking forward to my birthday this year.
For some reason I could not wrap my head around the fact that I was turning 35. I just kept thinking, "Yikes I'm almost to 40! When did I get old?" So I kind of lived in a land of denial and pretended that it wasn't really going to happen.
I have to tell you I have a very good land of denial. You will all have to visit one day. The best part is once you step into my land of denial your 16. I was going to say 21 but the truth is I still feel like I am 16.
In fact, sometimes when I act mature and handle things the way my inner 16 year old would not I hear her yell at me. "Hey, Old lady we are only 16 quit acting so Olllllldddd." She is rather obnoxious.
My big day arrived and I had to work. I also had to deal with some school stuff and by the time I left for work I had worked up a serious pout. The inner 16 year old was defiantly in charge. Then I came home from work and walked into a house that was decorated with balloons, crepe paper, and a very awesome banner.
By the time I had showered off all the chlorine and was cleaned up my favorite lunch was on the table. To say I spent the rest of the day being spoiled would be an understatement. Between all that my family did and the extra bonuses of what my friends did I had a very kick butt birthday.
On my way to work yesterday I thought about how I had felt the day before, how seriously grumpy I had behaved, and how I thought I was just getting old. Then I started to smile because I had really great birthday.
When I got to work my boss asked me how my birthday had been and I told her it was really great and then one of the twenty-somethings asked how old I was? To my surprise I smiled and said 35!
The day after my birthday 35 didn't seem so horrible and if this 35 year old has all the awesome people in her life that she does well then bring on 36 because my life is pretty darned blessed.
I really don't hate my swimming job. What I hate is getting wet.
The whole getting wet is annoying.
Getting use to cold water, getting chlorine in my hair and on my skin, getting out of the water...
That is what I hate. I know I'm a weirdo.
Most days once I'm wet I kick back and enjoy my job. I get to spend a few hours playing with little ones and as my little ones are no longer so little I am really enjoying the hugs and the cute little giggles.
So really if I could do my job and not get wet I would think it was the best job in the world.
Currently, in addition to my normal classes, I am working with two special needs kids. Both kids are mentally high functioning it is there bodies that have special needs. The more I work with these kids the more I just want to cry.
How many times on this blog have I said something wasn't fair? Well I take all of those back.
Working with these kids I realize that the one trial I haven't had to deal with is a body that doesn't work the way it should.
Oh yah, I whine and complain about weight but really that is my own dang fault. I have control over how much I weigh and I chose the way I look.
These kids didn't get to choose. Yet, they have to get up and deal with the same world that I do everyday. That my friends is NOT fair.
Meanwhile, all I can do is spend my time with them each day teaching them a skill that makes them a little more like everybody else. I don't know if it makes there lives better but I know seeing the kind of bravery that they have and that there families have makes me a little stronger.
It also really really makes me love my job. Even if it means I have to get wet.
One more class done. To date this had to be the hardest one. Not so much the subject but the professor was new and way ambitious.
So of course her ambition tumbled into our class. On one hand I can tell you that I know the subject and on the other hand I can tell you that sometimes to much information is just that. TOO MUCH!
Allright, that is enough complaining. All though the class totally wiped all of my creativity juices away, due to the amount of brain power I had to use to study, (By the way I learned ALL about how our brains process and hold information) I thought I could catch everyone up with some pictures.
So here is a little bit of what has been going on.
This is closeup of the above picture. Notice the tongue. What is it with this boy and his tongue one of these days I swear he is going to bite it off.
H. played his first season of machine pitch. What do you think is baseball in his future?
Al. finished her first season of softball. She did an awesome job and she learned so much. It was fun watching her play.
I'm posting this one so you can check out Al.'s fingernails. Awesome!
Brent, Al and H. built a couple of bird houses. The silly birds have actually built a nest above this one.
That was the past month. My fingers are crossed that my next class is a little kinder and I can dedicate a little bit of brain power to something other than school.
Hi, welcome to my blog. You have stumbled on the ramblings and nonsense of my life. I am the mom to four, the wife to one, an only daughter, a teacher, a taxi driver, a lover of books, pictures and... well I think you've got the idea. Welcome!